Dickens
by NinjaMinion
Summary: Bringing Dickens back with them to the B&B wasn't Helena's idea in the first place...


**Disclaimer:** Warehouse 13 is obviously not mine, no matter how much I wish it were. I'm just playing around with the characters a bit.

**Author's Note:** ok, so, first fanfic ever, and on top of that, first time I write a story in English, so please be kind ^^ just a short story I couldn't get out of my head after I had to put down my cat last week. A little sad I'm afraid, but not too much. Not for Bering and Wells standards anyway! Takes place sometime after Season 3, pretending everything went well, no one's dead, the Warehouse is fine and they're all living happily at the B&B.

* * *

Bringing Dickens with them back to the B&B isn't even her idea. It's Myka's of course.

They can't just leave him there, can they, she says. And naturally Helena relents.

No matter that she doesn't really like cats. No matter that this one in particular she'd rather not see ever again. Because he's just another not so friendly reminder of Emily Lake, and Helena has already reminders enough.

There are no conscious memories, of course, but she dreams of her. She dreams of what life as an American Literature teacher in Wyoming was like, and she dreams of faces, friends (maybe), students, possibly lovers... of a life that is not her own, but was lived by this body, her body.

The dreams are vague, confused, but they always leave something behind, an uncomfortable sensation of estrangement that crawls under her skin, forcing her to run to the bathroom's mirror and make sure that the reflection staring back at her is that of Helena Wells, with no trace of make-up and no carefree light in her dark eyes. Sometimes she even says a few words, mostly quotes from her works, to make sure that there's no american accent there. But she feels truly relieved only when Myka comes to her -she always does- and puts her arms around Helena from behind whispering comforting words, grounding her.

So she really doesn't need one more proof of Emily Lake's existence in her life, especially not one that apparently still feels some of her in Helena.

Because Dickens openly prefers Helena to every other inhabitant of the B&B. Even though he's practically worshiped by Claudia (and Leena too, actually, every time she cooks dinner she always has a treat for him), he's always following Helena around, waiting only for her to sit down someplace to settle in her lap, purring happily and coming back no matter how many times she pushes him away.

...

At first, she thinks that the reason why her dislike for the cat starts dimming is Myka herself. Two or three times she catches the younger woman watching her battles with Dickens (she stubbornly pushing him away, he coming back to her no matter what) with an expression of such tenderness that at one point she just gives in and allows the cat to stay a while with her, only to see that bright smile on Myka's face.

But then, somehow, she finds she doesn't mind the animal's presence that much after all. As time passes, weeks turning into months, Helena finds her place again in the Warehouse family. The routine of her days settles in (of course, with artifacts calling it a routine is a bit of a stretch), the Regents stop calling her in for questionings and psychological evaluations. And Myka... Myka is at her side through it all, working with her through her guilt and her pain, supporting her with her love. This unbelievable, indescribable love that they share.

Even Emily's ghost starts to fade, eventually... and then Dickens is just a cat, and Helena grows accustomed to his presence almost without realizing it. Moreover, she gets fond of him. Of his warm presence in her lap while she reads or tinkers with some new invention, of his meowing and purring like crazy when she scratches him right behind his ears or under his chin. Quietly, he makes a space for himself in her heart and settles in. This time, in this new life, she has no reason to shut him out.

...

And then, one day, Helena realizes that she hasn't seen Dickens in a while. Of course, with a garden and everything it's always been normal for him to stay out, just... not so much. She gets worried and starts looking for him.

Before she knows it, everyone in the B&B is looking for him.

It's Trailer that finds him (amazingly enough, those two had one single altercation at the very beginning, all barking on one side and raised fur and hissing on the other, and then became the best pals ever). He's curled up in his favorite burrow, Myka and Helena's closet, a bad habit they were never able to stop that left half their clothes covered in grey fur.

They manage to get him out with some effort, practically dragging him out on one of Myka's night t-shirts when not even his favorite treats seem to tempt him. And Helena notices right away that he's thinner, his fur ragged. Myka says something about not having seen him eating the last few days.

The stab of worry that hits Helena in her stomach is a surprise. It throws her off balance.

They head to town straight away to see a veterinarian.

(And when Helena says 'veterinarian', Pete doesn't flinch, just looks at her with understanding and no trace of accusation. And that's a warm felling that she just stores away for later.)

Said veterinarian is a lean, a little eccentric, very tall (more than Myka) gray haired woman. She has kind eyes and speaks clearly, gently, with no useless medical gibberish.

During the next few days they wait for blood exams results, and x-rays, and routine controls, and some more stuff, and then they're told that Dickens' inner abdominal organs are a mess so messed up that there's nothing to do. They're all affected by the news. Even Artie, even though he pretends not to care.

Claudia spends most of those few days with Dickens, trying to get him to eat something and caressing him, with eyes red rimmed and a faint smile on her lips every time the cat purrs weakly at her ministrations. And even when she leaves him for a while, Trailer is always there, sprawled next to him, trying to comfort him. At times they seem to have some sort of dog-cat exclusive conversation, with Dickens tucking his head in Trailer's fur and Trailer licking him in a motherly fashion.

Helena just watches from a distance, and suddenly finds herself wiping her eyes and chastising herself for the idiocy of it all. Because it's just a cat, and on top of that not even her cat. It's stupid.

...

Then one morning Helena is alone in the B&B - Myka, Claudia and Artie at the Warehouse, Pete and Steve on a mission, Leena out for groceries. With a cup of tea in her hand, she goes to sit near Dickens and Trailer (no way to make him move) and reaches out to caress him. As soon as she touches him he meows weakly and tries to bite her. He never bit her before. He looks at her and meows again, and Helena's breath catches in her throat. She understands, just as clearly as if he'd spoken English. With a deep breath, she fetches her cellphone and makes a call.

...

Dickens still refuses to be touched, tucked close against Trailer's side, but the veterinarian is quick and sure, and injects him with anesthetic almost without him realizing it. As the pain fades, Dickens relaxes and Helena ventures again to caress him. This time, the cat looks at her when she touches him and releases a soft purring as she scratches his favorite places. Then he falls asleep and the doctor proceeds with a second injection, to make sure he won't wake up anymore.

Helena keeps caressing Dickens, feeling his breath slow down, and finally stop. Trailer starts whining softly and Helena's eyes blur. A few tears slip out silently, then she takes a deep breath and locks them away. With a final caress she stands up, shakes the doctor's hand (she has tears in her eyes too), pays her, makes arrangements for cremation.

Then the doctor's gone with Dickens and it's just her and Trailer.

...

She has no recollection of stumbling towards the back yard, but she suddenly finds herself under a tree, sobs wracking her body and tears blinding her eyes. And isn't it stupid, feeling so wrecked just for a cat? Isn't it stupid?

And of course, before she knows it, Myka is sitting down next to her and she is cradled in the younger woman's arms, crying even harder on her shoulder. And it is so stupid, really. But Myka knows her better than anyone else, even better than she knows herself. That's why she came back from the Warehouse with a bad feeling and the need to be near her, and now she holds her as Helena weeps for the loss of a creature who loved her with no conditions, as only some animals do, and all anew for the loss of her daughter.

Because Myka knows, there is no loss, no matter how small, that doesn't remind Helena of Christina. And she speaks as if she could read Helena's mind.

"It's not stupid to feel this pain, Helena. He loved you and you let him in and grew to love him back despite yourself." she murmurs kissing her temple, her voice revealing her own tears. "What you gave each other is worth this pain. And I can't tell you how it warmed my heart to see you loving freely again, sweetie, because it is always worth the pain. I'm so proud of you."

After a while, Helena's sobs subside and she manages to breathe evenly again, but neither woman moves from the embrace they share quietly in the silence.

"I just wish I'd been here with you." Myka says at length, stroking Helena's hair softly.

Helena tightens her hold on the other woman. "You are here now, darling. You came when I needed you most, as you always do. And by insisting on taking Dickens in, you guided me through yet another step in this new life." she moves then, straightening so she can look into Myka's eyes, emerald green brightened by unshed tears. "Thank you for this, for teaching me love, again and again, in all its forms. I most certainly love you, Myka Bering, more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, and whatever pain came and still may come from it, I have no doubt that this love is worth it. Thank you for showing it to me and sharing it with me."

Myka just smiles at that.

"I love you too, Helena."

And the kiss that follows is nothing but the renewal of a promise made long ago between them.

And, Helena finds herself thinking, it's not stupid that thanks to a cat she was able to understand something more about herself, about Myka, about her family and love and life and healing. It's not stupid at all. After all, he was her cat.


End file.
